Since 2009 I've been more or less active in Second Life. In SL I have my own little brand, which I've recently been rebranding as bastnut, and of course a rather hot avatar. Those who haven't used SL or haven't found what their thing would be in there don't usually understand it. Some even find it dumb. But it's just another part of my life.
My sleep is terrible. Especially difficult is falling in sleep. It's been as long as I remember. Last night I floated in between of sleep and being awake for hours and hours. Heard when the newspapers landed the neighbors postboxes. Felt hot and feverish.
Even if I try not to believe in stuff like this, it seems like full moon makes things worse. Who knows, maybe even passing asteroids.
We don't really celebrate Halloween here in Finland. There's All Saints' Day, but it's not a big thing either. And it's not even necessarily celebrated on the November 1. But the US Halloween traditions have been leaking in. Slowly, through all the movies and tv.
It would be interesting to go somewhere in US and witness that Halloween I know mainly from pop culture. Maybe some day.
Sometimes I hear a song and realize I've forgot it's existence. Usually it happens with music from my childhood. When I hear them again I know them instantly, sort of like meeting someone after a long while. Someone I used to know, but maybe don't remember their name anymore.
Obviously as a kid I didn't understand English. Nor would I have understood all the things on the songs, even if I'd understood the lyrics. So it's always pretty funny to hear those songs now. To realize what's it all about. Funny, weird, even sad in a way.
When I went to the first grade in school I already could read and write in my native language, and do some basic calculations, adding and subtracting. When the English teaching begun on the third grade I already could say some basic stuff in English. Like tell my age or my name. It was all so easy. Basically I was screwed.
I believe it's because of all that I have this idea, a feeling deep down, I should be able to learn everything immediately. Or better yet, have already learned it before the actual teaching begins. Otherwise it's waste of time.
Later on, as a teenager, I decided to learn French. But since I could only say "je suis une petite poubelle" I didn't know that much. Besides the language teaching in the schools I attended to was based on grammar and memorizing lists of words. Not my style. So I never really got into it. I may be now able to say a little more than I'm a small trash can, but it's all very elementary.
I complain a lot. About anything. If it's too hot. If it's too cold. If it's too dry, if it's too rainy. I'm too broke or I have too much work to do (though I'm still most likely too broke). Complain, complain, complain. Being positive doesn't feel natural for me.
When things are good I get nervous. Something MUST be wrong. Things can't be that good. Of course usually something will be wrong, if I wait for a little while. Therefore I feel my complains are justified. You cannot call me a happy camper.
Finding a new rental apartment in Helsinki is painful these days. The rents are seriously high and the places are small.
Today we went to a showing of a very small one room flat. We weren't the only ones: The place got filled with about forty other people, who didn't even check it out before getting in writing the applications. I think they got confused by the crowd, cause the apartment itself wasn't that brilliant. It was clean and all, but the layout was rubbish.
Let's hope we'll soon find something. We are getting desperate.
I'm Mervi Eskelinen (tasselflower), a Digital Craftswoman from Helsinki, Finland, Europe.
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